A warm welcome to you as you traverse the first of several pieces of The Gentleman’s Code. It seems best to start with a couple of principles guiding a fulfilling and ever improving life. The world has always been a tough place to live in for everyone but, for some very vague reason, men in particular have a penchant for this toughness. Now there are many ideas and arguments that this has been taught to men, that this toughness would go away with a little bit of social reconfiguration, but that is beside the point. The reality is that a larger percentage of the male demographic still have to face the world with no average level of forthrightness. What we see when many men confront the trials and tribulations of their worlds head on is a fine art of sportsmanship. By sportsmanship, we don’t just mean the standard behaviour exhibited by people in a game or in sports; we are talking more broadly about what is obtainable as standard behaviour in the affairs of life. Ideas such as justice, fairness, perseverance, and determination have become so clichéd that it is boring enough to have them in a procession of words alone. Let us talk about a few rules, modelled after good conduct in sports, that will simply transform how we conduct ourselves in the real world.
First rule: do not feel sorry for yourself. Don’t make yourself into a pathetic little man. This does not mean that you should not cry or show your emotions (you’re human after all), but do these things in moderation. Every thing has its place and tears are out of place when certain challenges refuse to go away. You are to resist the urge to drown in a sea of sentimental nonsense. Whenever you lose, take it in good faith. Spend more time appreciating your failure and deducing the lessons you can pick from your faults and external factors. Don’t just sit down and start whining about how you had to work twice as hard and how Nigeria does not allow great potentials to be cultivated. Everyone is facing one harsh reality or another, we are not in a competition to know who is more miserable or downtrodden. True, you will experience failure because of your lack of privilege sometimes but don’t let your obstacles preoccupy your mind to such an extent that you refuse to learn something useful while forging ahead.
Second rule: refrain from making fun of others when you can see that they are actually putting in a considerable amount of effort in spite of failure. This is one of the most insensitive things to do to others, especially when you are working in a group. You might be wondering: Why would I want to laugh at someone who’s giving their all? Have you ever been at school and there is a classmate or colleague of yours who sucks at a particular subject? We used to have some kids back then who never got their sums right, the infamous mathematics phobe. No matter how hard they try, people are inevitably incapable of achieving success in a particular field. Whatever capacity you find yourself in, a mathematics tutor or a human resources manager, acknowledge other people’s efforts whenever they try so hard but fail to succeed. Your friends will certainly hate you less for it.
Another rule: own your mistakes. A man completely devalues himself when he firmly believes that he cannot be wrong, and do we have millions of devalued commodities out here! Everybody, every one of us, makes mistakes. It does not take a genius to realise this, and it does not take one to see through you and dislike you because you always fail to admit that you made a mistake either. Simply put, an infallible man is a douchebag. You can try as hard as you can to be perfect and without fault but you will slip occasionally. It is honourable to accept your error and work towards fixing it. No matter how great you have been, you risk being silly when you refuse to take responsibility for your inadequacy. This reminds me of one of the greatest footballers of all time, who is still active by the way. He failed to win a third consecutive continental cup final and he started to complain about the surface of the pitch and the quality of the ball. He was adjudged the greatest footballer on the planet that year, but his comments on how bad the field and the football were brought him a lot of ridicule.
Certainly not the last rule: cheer your peers. If you often catch yourself scoffing at other people just because they are happy, you need to change that real quick. One of the worst things you could do to yourself is to feel bad about someone else who is feeling good. I mean, what happened to treating others how you want to be treated? Life is not a zero-sum game, that someone is winning does not necessarily mean that you must be losing. Time, opportunities, and successes come with an infinite number of variables, don’t get stuck comparing yourself to others and being resentful.
We have not set out to outline all the rules that you need to live a less difficult life, and we certainly do not think you should limit yourself only to those we have talked about. But, these rules guiding proper interpersonal conduct are extremely important to us all. Empathy, resilience, wisdom, affection are all mandatory in our interactions with ourselves and with everyone else. When things get really tough for you and those around you —and they tend to do so very frequently— the fine art of sportsmanship will come in very handy and these few rules sum it up for you pretty quickly.
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